Phoenix Tears
by Nataliaah
Summary: Sixth year has arrived, and Harry's life doesn't seem to get any better. With a new friend and a constant fight with Ron and Hermione, every thing is getting worse. Beta-read and 3-4 written by karann, hope you like it
1. Introduction

**Without spirit**

Hi! This is my first fic in English, and the first I write in around 2 years. It's rated R because of the suicide theme, just to be safe. Hope you like it. R&R  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The story is mine :P .  
  
Summary: A sixteen-year-old boy reflects on his life and his feeling about it. He comes to think that he's only reason to be alive is to fight. Or maybe, it's to die. The only way out of this: suicide. Or will a certain girl and a werewolf be able to save his life?   
  
Tragedy/Drama/Angst

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What do they want? That's the only question that's in my mind every night, every time that urge to leave this world comes to me, every time I see that blade go through my wrists, every time I see my own blood, every time...  
  
Just go away, see no one here, be alone, that's my wish. Everyone spects too much of me, and I cant give them what they want, my only dream is to have a normal life.  
  
But I cant, my life's already prepared for me, I'm the one who everyone expects to save the world, I'm the one who will disapoint them all, I'm the one with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, I'm the boy who will die.  
  
Is it too much to ask for a normal life, to be just a common boy, have a family, only have to worry about school, friends and girls, to be loved for the man I am, not for the weapon in me?  
  
It seems it is. Ever since I remember, my life's been full of pain. People fight and die, all because of me. My only family left are the first to harm me, and the only reason other people care about me is because that stupid profecy, because they want me to defeat him.   
  
How am I supposed to win a fight that I'm not prepared for? What if I dont want to fight? What if I dont want to helpo them? What if I only left myself die?  
  
A shinning blade on top of my trunk might be the answer to my problems. Reflecting the moonlight that comes through the open window, it's calling my name, it wants to be used, it wants to help me with my problems, it wants to feel my skin, let me see my own blood, let me see I'm still alive, and help me die.  
  
Harry James Potter is my name. But what is it that I am? A boy, a man, or simply a body without spirit or a weapon to destroy?

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Well, here it is, the first chapter, I know it's really short, I might continue the story, this is kind of an introduction, but it all depends on your reviews, if you like it or not. Thanx. Bye! 


	2. Chapter1 Fault

Hi! Here I am again, with the first chapter of the story(the other was a kind of introduction, although it is as short as the last one, sorry :( about that). Hope you like it.

Thanks to karla, monik, and specially to doughgurl2008 for reviewing :D . Now, On with the story!

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In the smallest room of #4 Privet Drive I layed, not wanting a single thing to happen. If only time would stop running, if only I could go back, if only... How I wish he was still with me, that I had never been so foolish as to think those dreams were true, it was my fault. Not Voldemort's, not Bellatrix's, not Dumbledore's, but mine, as always. Do I deserve to keep on living? Yes, that's my punishment, be alive, keep watching day after day those tragic moments in my mind, not being able to do a single thing to stop them from happening. They already passed. Who'll be next? I don't know.

If I stop to think about it, maybe it's not all my fault, but that old wizard's too. After all, he is the one who kept me in the shadows, who never let me know a thing, who "forgot what it's like to be young", the one man, besides Voldemort, I really hate. But again, if I had learned that occlumancy thing correctly, nothing would have happened...

A lonely sun ray comes through the window, the sunrise has arrived, but it means nothing to me now. Instead of hope, another day to enjoy and live, the only thing it brings me is more pain and suffer, more memories to deal with, another day to go through before death comes to release me from this constant torture.  
  
Time to get up, to come back to this world, although against my will. Those people who I cant even call my family are about to wake up, and they'll want their breakfast already done by their servant. Every day spent here for 15 years has been the same, and I'm sure it'll never change. But before i go down there my little releaf I'll take. My loyal blade, always there, waiting for me to call her, waiting for me to call her, waiting for me to use her, wishing to help me. I can feel it, the cold sensation of that sharp edge on my pale skin, telling me that soon that silver blade will turn red. I can see it, my skin being pressured, being cut, and finally my own blood running down my arm, I'm still alive.  
  
Silently, I walk to the bathroom, I need to clean myself. The cuts on my arm start stinging as my blood dyes the now red water. Do I regret what I did? Yes, but only because of the pain I gave myself, as if I didn't have enough. When is all this going to end?  
  
I'd better hurry, they'll wake up soon. I go downstairs to the kitchen to prepare the two big fat pigs and the woman-like horse their breakfast, a couple of eggs and 3 toast for each one should be enough...  
  
Finally done! And just in time, I can hear them waking up. Time for me to go backto my room, to my world.  
  
-----------.-.-.-.-.-.-.-An hour later-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-----------------  
  
"Boy! Come down here, now!" Uncle Vernon's voice was heard though the house. "Coming!..."  
  
What does he want now? I went downstairs as slow as I could, thinking I already knew what would be waiting for me. How wrong I was. At the end of the stairs there was a young man.  
  
"Nice to see you again, Harry", the man with amber eyes said, smiling...

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Thanks for reading so far! Now, I only have one last favor to ask you for... Please Review!!! May I get 5 more this time? 


	3. Chapter2 Not always what they seem

Hi!!! Finally the second chapter is up (I wont be counting the introduction as a chapter). Here it is, my attempt to write from a non-character pov. Thanks to doughgurl2008, who again was my first reviewer :D , karla(bad news, sirius wont come in until his 18[if the story get's so far ¬¬]) and Desolation Lily(I already sent you a review ;) ). Well, guess it's time to continue with the story...  
  
Disclaimer: I forgot the last time to write it, sorry :P . I own nothing but the plot :( .

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-Professor.... - Was all Harry could say when he saw the man at the bottom of the stairs.  
  
-Indeed, Harry, I'm not your teacher anymore...- The werewolf answered him, still smiling. -Anyway, how are you? -  
  
-Ehmmm... guess I'm fine. - the boy said, coming back to his senses. Although it had not been long since he last saw him, Remus looked quite different...**"**_Guess it's because of the full moon_**"** he thought.  
  
-How have you gone through all what happened...-Lupin started  
  
-I'd prefer not to talk about that...- the boy said. He felt that if he started talking about it his voice might crack.  
  
-Who do you blame that for? Bellatrix? Yourself? The Dark Lord?...-  
  
**"**_Wait, did I just heard right? This isn't what Remus would have said, is it? And he already knows I blame myself...Dark Lord? Where did "Voldemort" end in?_**"**  
  
-Well, we shouldn't stay too long here, it's obvious we're not welcomed and they might get worried. I've come to pick you up, Harry. Let's get your stuff and go to the quarters- he said, while giving a quick look at Harry's uncle and walking towards the stairs.  
  
-Yes, sir. But... do I have to go?- The Boy-Who-Lived asked him as they walked their way to his room.  
  
-Please, call me just Remus. And what do you mean by "Do I have to go?"-  
  
-Well... I suppose it would be back to the same place, and I'd rather stay here than going there- Harry said, trying to ignore the lump that was forming in his throat.  
  
-It's ok Harry, you'll get used to it.... -  
  
But there was something in his voice that wasn't the same as ever. When they finally got to the boy's room, Remus took out his wand and closed the door.  
  
-They're not going to come, Remus. They try to avoid this room as much as they can. - the Boy-Who-Lived said as he saw what the werewolf did.  
  
-I know, it's just to be safe. -  
  
-Safe of what? -  
  
-Don't know, I was talking to Moody last night and he told me to take many precautions. -  
  
**"**_Wait a moment, that's impossible, yesterday was full moon_**"** Harry thought in disbelief.  
  
-Who are you? -He asked, trying not to change the tone of his voice  
  
-What do you mean? I'm Remus Lupin.-The man said, confused  
  
-You're not, yesterday was full moon...-Harry answered, this time roughly  
  
-Very well Potter, you're not as dumb as you seem. -And with that, the hairs man changed to be from sand-colored to a bright blond, almost white.  
  
-Malfoy... but it's impossible, you were in Azcaban...-  
  
-You've said so, and now, I'm here, I've come to take you to our Lord...- Lucius answered, pointing his wand at Harry, with an evil grin...

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Another short chapter, sorry, but couldn't resist the urge to stop there :D . But I'll update soon. Well, you know, the same thing as ever R&R!!! 


	4. Chapter 3 A new home?

Hi! Finally the third chapter is up. First of all I'd like to thank Desolation Lily and doughgurl2008 for reviewing.  
  
This time the special thanks go to Karla, my dear co-writer, who's helping me turn this to a good story with her ideas and opinions. Indeed, she's written almost everything!! Great work :D

It's karla here, this is the first fic I've ever written so maybe it's a bit ridiculous, well anyway hope you like, and please review. oh yeah i forgot, pato eres pkm!! (i'm mexican by the way)

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all those characters and places belong to Rowling. The plot, "Saint Mary" and everything that you've not seen in the books is ours.

"spoken"

thought

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Harry moved swiftly towards his trunk, avoiding an hex from Malfoy. Taking his wand, he pointed it at Lucius and sent a disarming spell, which hit him exactly on the chest, sending his wand through the window.  
"Now what? Are you still taking me to Voldemort?", the boy who lived asked him, but in a harsh way.  
"Manners, Potter. And yes, I HAVE to take you with me..." , Lucius answered in a calm way, "Accio wand!", He pointed his wand at Harry, who, without noticing, took a step backwards.  
"Desmai...", but he couldn't finish the spell. While Malfoy was getting his wand back, Harry had already started saying the spell, and a red light went across the room, again to hit the man, this time, leaving him unconscious.  
  
Harry hadn't noticed that they'd been doing too much noise, and a really fat, purple man was standing at the door.  
"Boy!!! What do you think you're doing?! Using that...that thing here!", Vernon roared at him.  
"Bu-bu-but I was attacked!! That man tried to attack me, he tried to take me with him!!", Harry yelled at his uncle.  
"Then you should have let him!! Don't you understand you're not wanted here?", Uncle Vernon was red now and his moustache was twitching.  
"What's all that racket?", asked Aunt Petunia entering the room.  
"The boy's leaving. Marge was right, we should have sent him to an orphanate since he came here..."  
"But...dear, remember what those freaks said, he can't..."  
"I DONT CARE WHAT THOSE PEOPLE SAID, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF HIM IN THIS HOUSE! I'M TAKING HIM STRAIGHT TO AN ORPHANATE NOW! Boy, get your things in the car, quick!"  
"But Vernon..."  
"No 'but's', he's going and there's no way to make me change my mind", the man said, then he turned to Harry, "Are you ready boy? Anyway, I don't care, get in the car."  
Harry was done getting his things, after all, he was supposed to leave with the fake Lupin. He kept his wand in his pocket and carried his trunk downstairs, to the front door.  
"Where is he going?", Dudley, who had just popped his head out from his room, asked.  
"To 'Saint Mary' ", Vernon mumbled.  
"But isn't that an orphanate?", the fat boy, after 'processing' the information for a couple of minutes, asked. But it was too late, his dad and his cousin were already on their way... 

A big, old building was beside them. From outside, it looked like an old grey mixture between an abandoned mansion and a jail, with a huge garden, a small lake and a really tall tree around it, all inside a huge rock-wall.  
"Out", was all uncle Vernon said.  
Harry went out the car, took his trunk and Hedwig's cage (it had gone out yesterday and hadn't arrived yet) and walked toward the gate door.  
"Here we are, your new 'home' ", Vernon said, with a smirk They walked to the front door, and as quick as saying "Phoenix", they were in the "headmistress" office. She was an old, short and a bit fat lady, dressed, as every nun, in black and white robes.  
"Welcome to Saint Mary's orphanage. How may I help you?", the old woman said

"Good morning. We'd like to see if the boy here could stay in this place. His parents died in a car crash and he's got no family left..."  
"Oh, poor little creature. Of course, come with me, we need to fill some papers before...", And with that, took some papers from her desk and motioned for his uncle to go with her, "You may stay here dear, it wont be long and then we'll show you your new room", She said, and went to another room with Vernon.  
Great, just great, After a few weeks of learning about that stupid prophecy I get kicked out of the only place where I'm ´safe´!, Harry thought miserably. A few minutes passed before they were back in the room.  
"Well dear, welcome to ´Saint Mary´! Come with me, take your things, I'll show you your room...", the woman told him.  
He didn't even bother to say good-bye to his uncle. They went through a really long passage(he started to think his room was at the other side of the building), and at the middle of the corridor they stopped. To his left, there was an old wooden door, with the words 'Fuck off' painted with aerosol.  
"Here we are", the nun said eyeing the neighbour's door with a disapproving look and she tried to rub it off, "Hmphh, it has been done recently, I'll have to talk to Miss Behunnik", the nun muttered Harry grabbed the knob and, as slowly as he could, opened the door...

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Hope you liked it. Please, R/R!!!! 


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